This expectation stuff is really a bitch. I know the dangers of designing an outcome as much as I know the risk of desiring one. Anything manipulated to be other than what it is loses the value of truth. I'm learning the difference between objective appreciation and subjective desire. NOT the same at all. One is energizing and one will suck the life from your bones before you realize what's happening. Perhaps my many experiences with subjective desire have worn my patience thin for this particular life lesson (see any of my posts about patience and humility...) The Lord knows I've struggled with this one. And, in the light of recent growth, I accept that I will continue to struggle with it until I don't. Plain and simple.
Sometimes I want things so badly, right now, I forget the promise given to me by my Creator: joy beyond measure, peace beyond understanding, and eternal life. These are not gifts to be trifled with. And who am I to think I might be able to craft an outcome better than what is in store for those who accept the gifts offered. Actions beget habits and habits beget being. An awkward, though concise, way of saying that I will continue to let my will direct my actions instead of responding to my subjective needs and wants. And somehow, I will quiet my mind so that the rest of me can hear that precious will.
(Dactylic tetrameter - yep born from another assignment)
Guarded by will I’m protected from haste
Wanting to love you in open delight
All expectations a dangerous waste
Grieving the secrets remanded to night
Writing the words of a lyrical rhyme
Shadows of whimsical mystery spent
Using the meter of pressure and time
Holding the truth of my precious intent